I don’t believe the irony.

I don’t believe it myself. How did circumstances bring this here! I thought I was in control, thought I knew I was going.. And yet.. in four years of married bliss, how did we reach here. Suddenly middle aged looks, living in 2 cities, crazy work schedules.. and a blank for anything else apart from body aches! What the fuck happened. I don’t even know what I want.. I say lets have kids even though she does not. Am I out of my mind! lets pay the rent, EMIs, plan travel itineraries get the paperwork done.. oh yeah attend that wedding and baptism here. then what. whats for dinner. is it really middle age? bloody HELL! yeah.. and the car needs servicing.

Hurry..

Have you played the video game Carmageddon?..this is a game in which u get to drive a car into other cars, animals, people and you get points for more damage you do!..
well.. it is quite an experience..
well if you havent played it, there is an easy way to experience the same 'hair raising' thrill..just sit in the front seats of a private bus on upcountry highways in Kerala..
Last two weeks I have been travelling arnd a lot.. motivated partly by certain people not in town related boredom.. and partly because of more boredom.. and I went to the less travelled places.. like Punalur, Attingal, Vadakara, Thalassery and so on.. all small towns in Kerala..
highways that pass through these places are just wide enough for 2 cars..just.. add people, cycles, bikes and scooters, dogs, parked cars and the odd chicken.. that leaves very little roon for speeds above 30kmph..
now put a Kerala road transport bus or even better..a Private bus that plies between towns into that road and you get Carmageddon! ..
It is truly an experience when the driver drives at insane speeds and if you are sitting in the front rows you see this scooter coming closer and closer as the bus speeds into it, and at the moment when you think the scooter and its load is history..the bus driver somehow..in the last split second possible breaks or swerves or does something to avoid a collusion.. the margin for error is like milliseconds..
and this is repeated again and again.. once there was this old lady crossing the road..not even looking at the traffic.. this bus i was in kept speeding into her..i nearly jumped out of my seet to like shout dude stop! and at the last minute the driver like breaks and swerves and missed her by just inches..
it is truly amazing
you know what is funny..these buses have breaklights inside.. right behing the driver there will be a bright red breaklight.. so the passengers can hold on when he breaks like mad!
And it is not only the driving that is mad and fast.. when they stop at a stop they expect passengers to get on and off superquick.. they actually employ a couple of people who stand at the doors to quicken this process.. for instance if someone climbs down slowly this door guy would start beating the door and shouting at that someone..
it is crazy contrast this rush.. in a state where everything else is so slow and serene.. where work starts late ends early, where people sit around and do nothing.. where mostly no work happens most of the time.. these buses run around like they belong to another time..or era..

Mind

I dont truly feel things like i used to.. the way happiness or sadness was all emcompassing long back.. feelings used to had a live connection to the head..or heart(whatever it is we feel with).. that has been cut now. now things are filtered.. almost like the sensitivity dial has been turned down.. maybe like the aperture of a camera..you just roll it up to reduce what comes in..what is recorded.
perhaps it is that the first time you do something it creates a new circuit..all fresh and sharp in flavour.. then the second time it is a little less so..third time it is almost bland.
for instance.. the sights and sounds of this beatiful place i live in no longer holds any appeal to me..execpt when i go with someone who is new here..then i too can feel a little of the wonder the other person feels.
maybe it is like how a kid is all ticklish..super sensitive..
i know someone grown up who is like that.. super sensitive..to touch..to ideas..to emotions.. maybe it is nice to be like that. even when you have grown up. or maybe it is not so nice because then you have to be on your guard all the time.. having to hide behind walls and barriers..

Morning news..

My newspaper guy doesn't like me! for one he refused to put a paper at my door for very long.. telling the watchman, putting up notices etc did not work.
and i really need the newspaper in the mornng,... especially the thick TOI types which has so much to gloss over and not much to read, but which you dont unfortunately get in this corner of hte world (here it is only the Hindu and Indian Express, both apparently believe in saving newsprint and printing only the boringest of news..and editorials..the newspaper gets over before it starts!...and then you have the mal paper Malayala Manorama which believe it or not, devotes maximum space to obituaries!! serious! the last 2 pages are obituaries..and it is almost certainly the most read page in the whole paper!..

..any way i have deviated to a sad kerala rant..so coming back to the newspaper guy..

one day i actually decided to catch the dude in the morning..so i got up at 5:30 and stood out to spot him.. and at 5:45 there he came dropping off papers to my neigbhours and ignoring me.. so i caught up with him and asked him nicely.."chetta..pls put the hindu at flat 3-5/2 tommorw.."
so the chetta replies.. "oh sare.. u r a bachelor?"... i m like hmm yeah!.. so he says sori.. cant give paper to bachelors!. apparently bachelors dissapear without paying or some crap like that.. so i fished out 100 bucks and gave him..advance good will money. so he promised to put a hindu at my door the next day.

next morning all excited i open the door at 7 and tada! there is a malayala manorama at my door!.. and hence all my attempts to make him put a hindu have failed.. obviously the watchman forgets, newspaper man does not read A4 size notices on my door which said "PUT THE HINDU"..

so now i sip my coffee with obituaries in the malayala manorama.. i think i am turning into a real malayali

blog or not to blog

I have not been blogging for insane long now.. but not that i have forgotten abt this page or not that there hasnt been much happening either.. (in fact a lot lot has happened.. more on that if i can restart d blogging)

but i was just thinking on why i should blog..

well, i think for one it is very flattering to think somebody actually reads the blog..makes you feel important in some inane or vain way..
then equally important is that the blog life seems so much more interesting than the real thing.. it is mysterious,vague and leaves so much to interpretation that almost always you end up looking smarter than you are
like for instance right now my social life can be summed up in two words (non-existent) .. yeah even one word might do.. nada!.. but till i said it you didnt really know right?
and somehow whenever i read blogs mostly i wonder how their lives would be and leaves me curious to know more.. again that mysterious things works for me atleast..

and of course you can use spell check and the thesaurus to put in big words, you can cook up variations in your story etc (no..i dont do that .. )

so in all.. i think i have convinced i should keep blogging.

for that cant be said..

CAR

My first car! looks like it s going to be the swift Diesel.. boy it has taken some deciding to finally get to the swift..
i think i started with a 3.5 to an upper cut off of 4 lacs. The Chevy Beat or the Basic Ford Figo were options I was thinking of in Delhi. In between i was even sure i would buy a second hand Swift Petrol..
then it was the i10, the i10 became the Ritz Diesel with the smart salesman working out cost of ownership and all all that..
The Ritz Diesel has now gone on to the Swift Diesel..
hmm..