dual processor

i cant do just one thing at a time, you know.. cant view just one tab on explorer, I cannot watch just one channel continuously on TV, cant talk on the phone without doing something else at the same time..

When i open my browser always open 3-4 tabs at once, with as many different things i want to check out cause i cant wait for one to load and then read it. the basic funda s that once a tab is done i need to have the next thing ready...

When i watch TV i literally watch multiple channels at once, i master the remote so i can do this without looking at it, do you know all remotes even have this button that allow you to toggle 2 channels, so perhaps this isnt a disorder that is only mine

I have been like this as far as i can remember, when i was in school and i was expected to iron my own clothes each day, the ironing table was in a bedroom, a room that had no music or TV. so when i could i would drag the TV there so i could watch it and iron - of course driving the rest of my family to madness in the process. When i cook i read a book, i need music when i run, i day dream when i drive :), a novel is mandatory for the morning processes, company when i shop or go somewhere..

wierd eh

Create!

Every now and then i am affected by a desire to create. To create, something new, original and my own. and so i write something, or i sketch or paint something. and of late with the camera i tinker with the settings to get some new angle of a tea mug or knick knacks around the room.

But when i get down to this, there is always this pressure to make it perfect. When i sketch or paint i have the urge to capture the subject in its entirety.. as i see it. when i write i keep searching for what exactly i want to say to the point where my limited skills makes me give up.

and i guess this is exactly the opposite of what creativity is right? creativity is letting go, letting the work take its own way.. like a movie in which the script is written on the go. like life.

i was home in Kerala last week and i tried this. i took this nice white canvas, took out my oils and one long brush. sat down and started painting. I did not start with a subject. and i ended up with this..

well.. there is way more than the required number and amount of colour on the canvas. my subject, which happened to be the view from my moms kitchen, is only half of what came out. anyhow.. i now see why artists louwe oils.. it is such a crazy medium! since it doesnt set for a long time paintings dont have to be done in one sitting, meaning if i liked colours in a different order tomorrow my oils will follow my orders and move to the appropriate part of the canvas!