animos

there is a strange feeling when others know something about you that you dont know or realise. the bunched eyelids and hushed conversation when u walk past. fingers pointed and smothered smiles. ok, well i exaggerate. though there is none of this, i still get an unpleasant vibe from certain sections of the society here. anyway, they are people i dont particularly like. so it does not matter. 

still it is interesting how antennas fly up when there s some animosity in the air, i need to get used to this shit.

Random.......

a child who grows up takin apart evrything learns to fix everything as he grows up. 

i was he.

i wish i could be him.

Hmm....random random

when i say i want to be alone, i lie

for i just want more of you

when i say i am good, i lie

for it is just emptynes in me

when i say the sun shines, i lie

for it is only darkness i see

small wierd things that freak me out

1. In the evening twilight, loud happy music played at a distance so i can just about hear it. gives me such a sense of loneliness; of loss; brings up memories that arent bad in any sense, but just this intangible forlorn feeling. 

makes we want to be alone, rather, it leaves me without the strength to face anything, anybody. 

2. Fear of being left behind. in a literal sense. guess i would do anything, stoop to any levels, not to be left behind.

3. being ridiculed in public. wow. cant take it. 

i have this rather dumb feeling, in other words, i feel very much like an idiot. dont know for what reason. the blues are here to stay i guess. like the economy i get the feeling i need a war, famine, fascism to get out of this.