memory trail

Some memories stay stuck in the brain, i wonder what made them stick rather than be forgotten in the flow. For instance there was this one time i was in an auto with a friend in Bangalore on our way to work, i remember pointing out a new store on Bannergatta road to her. even now sometimes this picture randomly pops up, distinct in its clarity. i remember the auto, the traffic, smells, dresses..

Similarly there is one in Chennai where i am driving down one of the small side roads close to my home. i remember the place, the weather, and the general feeling so clearly, nearly 8-9 years later.

when these thoughts come and go, the aftertaste is distinctly melancholic. they are not unlike waking up early morning and realizing truly how lonely we are, how small each of our problems and fears are and that we have to stand up to them alone. like being caught in the headlights of a car bearing terribly fast down on you. the sense of futility and realization of smallness that can only be felt in those few moments of sleep induced clarity. feelings that lose their tangibility the moment we wake up and they are forgotten

Cityscape

i have always hoped that i would get to live in many cities.. that i would meet many people, know many people, that i would try many new things. that experiences would make me wise...

all crap :)

anyways, i do still like the feeling of a new city though cant really say i would prefer change from the comfort of a settled life in a comfortable place..

so.. i was recently going thru old stuff, photos, documents and all.. and was reminded of the places i have lived in.. and each place there are a few memories that outshine others.

for instance in Kochi it is memories of my mother, still young with her hair still black. Smiling over me. I remember Kochi as a Small, Rich place.. with the childrens park, and the toy steam boats they sold outside the park. the city of my birth, Kochi is filled with memories of my family, because that was the last time my entire family lived together. I remember my school, even fleeting memories of the kintergarden.

Chennai - Huge, Smelly, Hot and Lost. Chennai should be a place where i am comfortable, but it is not. I completed school and college there, i made my first real friends, lost frieds to tragedy, rode my first bike, felt first attractions.. all here. But the place is still alien to me. unpleasant memories crowd out the pleasant ones

Dubai - Dark, Sexy, dangerous dubai.. smell of freedom.. the first time i was free. my first salary. first of so many things.. Each moment i spent there was amazing, i was happy and free. I worried about a career, about coming back.. but i was happy. most memories of Dubai is under the night sky, perhaps because i worked most of the days there. dint see much of the sun!

Ruwi, Oman - Serious, commercial and Direct.. First serious responsibilities in my life. learnt i could do what i wanted in life. that there were no limits.

Abu Dhabi - Crazy, Loonie and Fun. Among the loons of Abu dhabi i decided to come back to India do an MBA. Dont know why but this phase transformed me.

Pune - Calm, Young and Old both, Suave. the MBA! the less said the better, but two years well spent. friends i made for a lifetime.

Bangalore - Fast, Fun and Intelligent.. The bright little city which crowds so many experiences into so short a time for me. Different people, different places, and the things i did should again give me things to think of for a lifetime. Overall with the MBA experience makes me a different person. I aint the same guy who joined school

Mumbai - Fast Timeless ecstatic, truly a city that never sleeps. my memory of this is mainly of running somewhere or the other with luggage.. and of course some special memories

Madurai - Conservative, Dubious, Pathetic. The worst city or rather a town i have had the misfortune to live in, perhaps the most pathetic time i have had in my life. hated it. Such stupid people with their pseudo morals and conservatism.. idiots

Gurgaon - Insane, dusty and abusive. never lived in a place where the dichotomy of rich and poor is more visible. the middle path that we see everywhere else cant be seen here. You either drive a car, or you are poor enough to be forgotten. Malls and Skyscrapers sitting in dust. and yes the office and 8 hours of it.

D base is Gurgaon

the first weekend after i'v come to Gurgaon that i have actually spend in gurgaon, all i did today and for that matter yesterday was laze arnd reading catch 22, processing pics from my last 2 weekends (which btw were spend shooting those pics in Jaipur, Kasauli, Chandigarh and delhi) and by sitting and reading all the mail i havnt opened since long - yes i'v actually not had decent internet for the last 6-7 mnths. anyways as i was saying i spend a lot of time opening forwards, obviously i forwarded them again to others who would now have something to do on otherwise boring weekends /workdays as the case may be, although some of them ungracious people then told me to stop, one of them even put up a notice on fb calling it spam.. terrible!

ignoring that, there are nice forwards :) there is this one that i found interesting and here it goes..

"If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears
With their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning

... Uphill...

BOTH ways

Yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my
childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look

it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write
somebody a letter, with a pen!

...Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to
steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you
were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video
Games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or
screens, it was just one screen forever!

And you could never win. The game just kept getting
harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only m-net and there was no on screen menu and no remote
control!

You had to use a Little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no
Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons
on Saturday morni

ng. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK
for cartoons, you spoiled
little rat-bastards!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove ... Imagine that!

If we wanted Popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids
today have got it too easy.
You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

Regards,
The over 30 Crowd"

yeah.. nice one no?

it is slightly frightening i am laughing tho i am a long way from 30.. i mean i am a lot younger... y do i find this funny!

i even found a t-shirt in the mall that i found funny.. and it said .. wait i will upload the pic instead..

if u cant read it says.. "I am not your UNCLE, i dont know you, you dont know me, so dont you call me uncle!

...

i must be getting ancient!

The beginning

To her... how is that sometimes we are so free and as one and sometimes rude or just cool and then cold :) you must know what i mean.. we were cool, then rude before new year.. we were lovers at the birth of 2008 we were in love.. once it dawned.
but i like you for this. there is some anxiety, some pain, lot of .. what do i say.. bliss?
the wait and the blood than ran amok in my veins when i couldnt get in touch for just one hour.. today... it was amazing.. then i was speaking to you.. and you was just.. there ... plain. strange.
you know what they say.
that there are three things that are never satisfied,
four things that never say. "it is enough"
the Grave
the barren womb
the earth that is not satisfied with water,
and the fire that never says "its enough"

but i think I too will never be satisfied of you. i will never have enough of you.

Story

to her:. how is that sometimes we are so free and as one and sometimes rude or just cool and then cold :) you must know what i mean.. we were cool, then rude before new year.. we were lovers at the birth of 2008 we were in love.. once it dawned.
but i like you for this. there is some anxiety, some pain, lot of .. what do i say.. bliss?
the wait and the blood than ran amok in my veins when i couldnt get in touch for just one hour.. today... it was amazing.. then i was speaking to you.. and you was just.. there ... plain. strange.
you know what they say.
that there are three things that are never satisfied,
four things that never say. "it is enough"
the Grave
the barren womb
the earth that is not satisfied with water,
and the fire that never says "its enough"

but i think I too will never be satisfied of you. i will never have enough of you.