mallu hallo

how does a malayalee say 'excuse me'.. there are three four things they do.. all proven and tested by many malayalis, and apparently better than the excuse me

first for instance if you are standing in someones way, or someone wants to call you.. malayali men and women do what i call the rattle snake.. they hiss.. one 'shhhss shh' noise.. very typical and unmistakable.. move out of way or atleast turn and look back
now if you are from outside, i.e if you happen to be non or fake mal then u obviously dont get this.. you continue to stand there right..

then the second attack comes.. this round starts with the squirrel.. which goes like 'stzu stzu stzu' said in a rapid spurt, this is followed with a set of non-committal giggles (normally looks around at other mals arnd who normally immediately understands the rattle snake, and makes out the outsider who does Not get the rattle snake, and a few silent hellos and muttering..

now, if you are ufortunate enough not have heard and reacted to this, which by the way would be normal for the non/fake mal, the third and dreaded weapon is taken out on the unsuspecting individual.. the scratch!
this is used especially by ladies, you can expect a scratch in the most wierd of places.. like the middle of your back, your fingers!, your waist..
and at this point the panicked innocent has jumped out of the way and in most cases out of his or her skin..

now the victor will walk by the vanquished like nothings happened, like all that was said was "excuse me.."

endodo

dentists! that must be the modern equivalent of the local torturer in the time of our ancestors. what fun it must be to you know.. generally cause people a lot of pain and charge through the roof for it!
today the dentist told me i might have to do a root canal.. while i have heard torture tales of root canals i ventured to ask her what is a root canal procedure..
she coolly tells me an endodontic therapy or whatever it is called is nothing but basically drilling a large hole in that teeth and pulling out the nerve and pulp inside the teeth! wtf!! pulling out the nerve ! and pulp! what is she joking! i told her i was not doing that endodoshit come what may.. so she asks me do i want off-white or tooth coloured filling.. c'mon really when you are talking about pulling out nerves in my mouth you think i care what colour is the filling? jesus! anyways that is closed for now and i hope "there may be pain and if there is then we have to do the root canal procedure" prophecy does not come true..

random mal'nes

There was a time when rice for lunch was a no no.. and suddenly after 3 months in Kerala i now look forward to a good oonu.. the nice round heavy mal rice with loads of sambar and rest of the mal gravies.. i guess it wont be long before the lungi, the "small" and remaining trademark mallu features become internalised.
now places and names in Kerala have a definite place in the mental map of kerala and have images to recall. I know roads there and can share stories of what to eat where and which train to take from there, which by the way is a fav past time of mallus - to quote train names and timings.. it is typical to have conversations of the 'Jayanti will come at 6:25 or the passenger coming at 7' now i am a veteran with experience of all modes of transport available here.. perhaps only the boats and houseboats are left.
initially i used to mix up the superfasts, fasts, limited stops and the malabars.. these being the different classes of buses in the state transport system, i have made the mistake of sitting in a malabar (which by the way is a dead slow bus) and travell6ing a 6half hour worth of 6distance 6in 2 or 3 hours.

shit..have to stop now, my oldie laptop is having a fit and is randomly typings 6's in my sentenses.. ugh..