hm.. thoughts

somethings just isn’t good for you
how much ever you justify the use

the lethargy is palpable, the stillness can almost be touched. You could feel it. It is inside my head. i am it.
Hope and misery. Aren’t they just so intertwined?



I had a reason to forget, not to remember. Why did it come back. Just wishful thinking that it wouldn’t haunt me.
Yesterday I went on a walk, a long walk. I found that different world maybe a kilometer from the campus. I knew it was there, it is a cure for all problems. The potholed dusty road from the big circle at tamanna, that leads into the hills to get lost in the greenery. It is a different world out there. Within an hour I passed the buildings, event the shanty cow sheds, muddy tea stalls and single old man with one naked incandescent bulb grocery shop. It is a page out of a novel, it is exactly the place where you’d go to clear your thoughts. It had workers with Nehru caps walking back, with their axes and ploughs propped on sweaty shoulders. Linen Dhotis and Chinese t shirts, covered in dirt, holes and sweat of genuine labor. There were birds, crows and others flying back home. Mostly in pairs, wing to wing against the darkening skies. single trees stood guard over waist high grass on both sides of the road, hills covered in mist completed the scene. Almost too perfect, yet it was there, for all to see. No, it was only me who saw it. Atleast this way.
As the sun set, I realized it was going to be real dark, except for headlights of heavy vehicles that broke the monotony of silence. Silence outside my head i.e. the ipod is a perfect companion here.
And soon enough it was completely dark, so dark I was a scared enough to stop and walk back. I imagined how it would be if I fell into a ditch or someone killed or some truck ran me over. As if I needed any more stimulus to clear my mind, a pack of three-four dogs turned up. They dint seem very happy to see me, atleast from the fact that barking and running in front of me to stand ground and bark activity. It took all my thoughts focused somewhere just about my throat to keep the heart from jumping right out. Somehow I kept walking, biting on the temptation to stop as well as the one to run. Soon enough they lost interest, and in their cacophonous company I reached civilization back sooner than I thought. With all thoughts scrubbred away I took another deviation so I could walk some more. A long road that finally ended up on the ring road that led to mezzanine. Right then guys called up saying lets go to idlecious, great. Couldn’t have been more perfect.



anyway. so we organized this big event on luxury in college, and it went well. now that's over, and gone.
it is like rain, when it rains it pours, its wet and quite miserable, yet once it s gone, you miss it
it is like a problem child, when he s around, he makes life tough, yet once he s gone, the silence is unbearable.
It is also like a nice meal, with great food. once you are full, you are too lethargic to clean those dammed plates.
Why does fucked up thought come at the most fucked up time.