cobwebs..

going through some old messages while clearing my phone of old stuff, some of them brought back such vivid memories of when i got or sent them..
like this one in the sent folder.. "i got cargill" .. i remember the day. there was a cricket match and as i came out, india won and i got the job. as i sent this message out i dint know if i sh`ould be happy or relieved
again.. as i go through the messages. .for mushy sms's there s no shortage and some i wonder how i ever wrote them.. or what they really mean
being single again means all those cute messages look wierder with each passing day.
it also means all the simple things that became habits, rituals.. are missing in my life. suddenly i have a lot of time in my hands, much less time on the phone, much less time thinking..
it s fun to be out with friends, drinks and strangers..

Sad..but i gotta go

Pune rocks.. a month here and now i realize i love this place, that there is no other place in india i like more. only a week remains of the month i am to be Pune this time around. So many memories i have of this city, of the people i have met when i was here, 2 years of college.. people who will stay with me all my life, in memory and in person
and now a month here with these new friends of mine, people i have come to like too
i remember the day i came to Pune first, the time i met a girl on the train .. the phone number i took from her promising to call. :) i never did
i remember the first people i met, Goks, Santhosh, African uncle :) neel d iranian and the cafeteria guy. the wierd priyanka rungta who was unfortunately the first person i said 'hi' to in college and who sadly refused to acknowledge me..
i remember the first session in the Audi with Subbu and Mohan
I remember the apprehension rumbling in my stomach as i wondered how i would gel with this crowd for two years, how i would claim my turf
i remember my learning group members, samleen the most for her irrestible energy, Sam, rads goks and kapil too. all the assignments and late night sessions.
i remember the first drinking session at mudra a week into college. how many people started drinking around me!.. goks (how he threw up at mudra that day!).. and today adi and aby
i can never forget sh and the magical days at the start of the second semester. the bad days and the good, the pain that made it forever memorable
summers in bangalore fresh like morning dew on a leaf.. fresh in my memory. days and night that stay unerased in my mind. the iim bangalore campus, the walkway from her room to mine. the trip to coorg and the stolen moments together. the rain and wind, sweet and sublime.
nyways, i can be as poetic as i want to be and as much as my nice mood tonight allows me to be.. already the happiness from a great evening out is coming to an end.. i promise not to edit what i have written here and post it as it is. i am sure tomorrow morning i will not feel this poetic and happy..
today was a boring day at office and so we headed out to ABC farms in KP.. and i had as much fun as i have had in a long time.. whiskey after 2 months off it tasted so nice. the company was attractive and interesting, so were the sexy parsi girls next to us..
the food was amazing, every single dish. there was a game and we stayed up leading till the end and ended up in a three way tie.. and the hotel guys gave us a bucket of beer n vodka.. :) lotsa drinks for tomrw nyte.. yay!
anyway i look at it this was the perfect night to drown the end of my pune stint.

Back in Pune,. hu haa ye yaa

huhaaa! i am back to civilization .. the lights and the tall buildings..how beautiful they are :).
nyways it still takes a moment to realize i am back in this city i love. the young crowd, its slow yet energetic flow. ..i tell you it s cool man
net is still limited to GPRS on my phone(which here is fast enuf for me to connect on to my lappie and browse at nearly acceptable speeds).. unless i go to the cyber cafe's - which is something i am very reluctant to:i'd rather have my net slower than in some smelly dank place

we appreciate the mundane stuff of the cities only when we are forced away from it for some time..so what are the ten best things about cities..
1. lights.. man! how important it is to have some light about! if after 7pm roads become dark and empty i am psyched.. i want people around.. and decent people..which brings me to the seconds point
2. PEOPLE.. cities have educated, good looking and well dressed people to hang out with. and rural india does not!if i am forced to stay in a village, i still need some educated and polished people with me!
3. european closets in the toilet. i cant squat
4. phone and net connectivity..i
5. people can speak english or hindi. tamil or malayalam.
6. FOOD..FOOOOD..how could i have left it down to 6th place... food. i wanut some fine dining once in a while. i want clean restaurants. i want my waiter in full pants. i dont want my waiter digging his nose with his left hand and serve mw with his right. i dont want to search for the meat in the oil...
7. grocery.. i want to buy that particular flavour of lays and want to drink a appy or minute maid as and when i want it
8. stores.. i want them all close by.
9.

One month @ Kurkumb.. all posts uploaded in one bunch...

FIRST WEEK @ KURKUMB

there s this guy at work and over the few days we are stuck together at the Kurkumb factory, something about him seemed familiar.. and that vague familiar feeling had a sense of unpleasentness attached with it, it was like i knew this guy long back and i dint like him then..
i couldnt place him however much i thought but suddenly this monday morning when i was sitting in a bus from Pune to the Kurkumb plant (he was somewhere in the back of the same bus)..it came back to me, he reminded me of the SriLankan from Rivoli -- Yusuf..
This dude has the same voice, he articulates or rather misarticulates the same way - the 'a's are short and o's and e's are extra long.. , the same look of 'i have seen this before' attitude..' he spits all over the place.. and he keeps sayng 'i mean'.. he says "i mean" for his i mean's

and now..i think he even looks a little like yusuf.. amazing. maybe they were separated long back.. long lost brothers and imagine me being the key that re-unites them both!

>>>>>>>>>

there are so many things my subcoscidfence knows and yet i dont..for instance
at 7 in the morning most days my mind wakes me up..and yet as long as i am awake i need to keep checking my watch
or
when i start on a trip or some work.. i feel this drift of how it is going to turn out, but i wait for it to get over and mostly the outcome is as i thought

>>>>>>>>>

END OF WEEK 1

lethargy is such a pain in the arse.. it is like a creeper that grows on trees and gnaws on the very branches tht give it support..
it is such a mental torture to sit and have nothing to do.. where decorum and rules disallow comfort or creativity.. the wait for time to pass.. for the mind to find something to keep it occupied..
yeah as far as tortures go this must be in kintergarden category, but it s a torture still
i endure this torture at Kurkumb.. and i feel i keep getting into situations like this.. rivoli was like this.. home is like this.. college at times.. and now this!


>>>>>>>>

MIDLIFE AT KURKUMB


i was reading this speech by JK Rowling at a Harward university convocation ceremony..
one of her para's i found very interesting.. she was talking about her parents wanting her to join a vocational course for her graduation when she wanted to enrol for a course in classical literature.
here goes

"I would like to make it clear, in parenthesis, that I do not blame my parents for their point of view. There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you. What is more, I cannot criticise my parents for hoping that I would never experience poverty. They had been poor themselves, and I have since been poor, and I quite agree with them that it is not an ennobling experience. Poverty entails fear, and stress, and sometimes depression; it means a thousand petty humiliations and hardships. Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is indeed something on which to pride yourself, but poverty itself is romanticised only by fools."

bang on the point .. dont you think? for one, poverty is like a sticky gum, and it tends to hold you down, and it's tentacles attempts to hold on to any of its members who tries to get out of its hold.
servitude and poverty i feel go hand in hand. the White tiger (Arvind Adiga) tells a story of how servitude and an inbred attitude of not questioning existing hegemonies makes us so much poorer. poorer not just in a fiduciary sense but poorer in experiences, happines and our creative output.
and in most cases, our parents have been poor in some sense, and they are unquestioning servants of the societial systems that were in place years back. in that sense many of us are held back by shackles that have crumbled ages ago and are just manifestation of the fears of our past generations.

another very interesting line from her speech..
"but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default."

yet.. i wonder why it is so difficult to try something that could involve failure..so atleast try something where i perceive failure..

still the best line from that article was one she pulled from a greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.

>>>>>>>>>

SECOND WEEK

lame.. things get so lame, its better to quit. and at times conversation between two people get so lame it becomes a spiral..lame conversations leading to still more lame ones. and when we try to keep up the talk, and when both realize that they try in vain to undo the boredom, it becomes downright painful. still worse when one of them just fails to realize how lame it is.. and happines is when both dont realize it :)

>>>>>

MOUNTING FRUSTRATION.. END OF WEEK 2

i vote the indian closet as the worse invention by an Indian - it is such an indignified way to shit! if some stupid Indin hadnt thought of replacing the hole in the mud with a ceramic hole in a cement floor all buildings would have had the normal plain vanilla closet!
imagine...what a turn off it is to have this. if i saw an amazing apartment and if it had an indian closet it would cease to be amazing any more.. it would be like an amazing looking gurl with a an ultra sweaky voice.
and it s even more disgusting to see some1 sitting on the indian...eeew!.. not that i want to see anyone doing the potty, but lets say by mistake i walk into a girlfriend sitting on the normal closet, it is ok right? but if the same was an indian closet i would say that would be the end of the relationship man!..i wouldnt survive a relationship with that image in mind!

>>>>>>

A PHILOSOPHICAL FINAL WEEK


there are never huge life changing moments, atleast they never appear that way when they occur.. insted life is made up of number of small moments. and it is only with hindsight and reflection that we identify even those moments.
i think i keep waiting for this thunderbolt to hit me before i move my ass..or i wait till i am cornered and have but one choice.even worse.. i know it aint true but i still believe that thunderbolt will hit anytime..could be just round the corner.. and i believe i will do great stuff when it does..! what a load of shit!

It appears the company has planned my next three months.. a month in the Kurkhumb Plant and then another in the Pune office followed by time in Noida and Gaziabad
three months down i might know where i will be for most of the next year or two.
there is another plant in Orissa even that would have been an interesting palce to go..
right now i have three days off and i guess am just goin to c delhi

somebody invent really fast trains....and a lot lot of them

i really like traveling, but to an equal measure i hate planning and booking the tickets, stay, people etc. it sucks, looking at irctc web site which works like an overcrowded old bus,just about working.
and this site gives you the very feeling of living in an overcrowded packed to the rim country.. like there are a hundred trains going all over the place but there ain't a single ticket you can get anywhere. and like everything Indian there's a que and a fight and a rush at godforsaken hours for that tatkal ticket that does not happen. okay so hell yeah the flights are cheap these days (well not really) but then i don't like flights. i want to do the train, i love the train. dirty stinking and late as they are - they have scenery! they have chai and cheap food. i can lie down and read a book! hm i don't have to check in my luggage and hope that bored looking dude remembers to throw it into the same flight - throw yeah luggage becomes throw-things - and my packed to the brim (yeah we Indians like to fill that bag sit on it zip it up till it bulges and leaks) suitcase looks back sentimentally at me as it's shoved down the conveyor by unfriendly luggage of my co passengers.
then the wait at the airport again for the bag to roll back and u know my bag is always the last to arrive on that belt, like t he belt goes around and around and when it's just me and few old men around there it comes slow and peeking around the corner.
then of course in between there is the flight itself which i guess is the least painful, except the bored yet i should serve you with a smile and yeah i know i look good and you can stare if u want look on the air hostesses face as they stand and invite us in (but yeah i am with them..that job of standing and inviting people 5 times a day and doing that same acrobatics of pulling life jackets with a hundred eyes looking at ya ain't fun am sure)

as i look back

looking back at the last few years i realize i am happy. just 6 years back i was disillusnd with life. and maybe hoped to someday get somewhere like where i am now. and perhaps never really believed that i could. confused n lost, i feared a boring, insipid life.
yestday night i realized this. n i thought i better be happy. and that i remember this. hence the blog.